the best christmas ever

OK OK OK OK so for Christmas i got some cool stuff
i got some cool boots , a new ipod, some shirts and stuff,a wii (which is really cool ), and I GOT A TELESCOPE YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
OK OK OK i no what your thinking " wow this girl is a freak a telescope! is that something that someone would really want i mean she's a girl she should be in to hollister and girl stuff" well I'm not really a weird o i just like stars that much but i got some other cool stuff ( which i cant remember over my total happyness with my telescope) but its all good

♥ sealed with a kiss

i love my family

finally finals are over and i can relax a little at my grand parents house swimming in the pool mingling with family and being in an all loving atmosphere
i love my family if i had a choice of family and friends i choose family because they always love me and they don't care that I'm adopted or not born in to the family they don't care I'm not even sure they remember that I'm adopted i just know that don't care what i am or where i came from they love me there like a never ending first aid kit ( not referring to the fact that every one in my family is a Doctor or something important ) i love them

♥ sealed with a kiss

IM PULLING MY HAIR OUT !!!

OK one word can sum up my week so far FINALS (and then comes the scream associated with the word AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!) finals SUCK ASS so bad i cant even tell you haw bad my biology final was 4 me i was so nervous i had 3 panic attacks Tuesday , an Adrenalin rush while sitting down in class, and I'm so glad its over that I've almost fainted and passed out

♥sealed with a kiss

coward

OK i so don't know what to say Friday i broke up with by boyfriend and now i feel really bad about it so i was gonna see if i can get him back so i called him to have him remind me to talk to him tomorrow and then there was this awesome no school day and i got to thinking that I'm not shure i want him back now so unless i come up with a reason to talk to him that is semi important and then when i did i chickened out and it left me dumbstruck so i ended up with I'm trying to isolate my self what the hell kinda excuse is that why cant i just say I'm afraid of relationships and of letting my self go and I'm tiered of seeing you suffer for what i cant give you while you fall deeper in love with me ( o i no because I'm a f-ing coward )... why cant i be a normal girl and be able to get over my past ( god i suck ) what am i suppose to do ... o well

♥ sealed with a kiss

can i have some cheese with my wine?

OK I'm sorry Ive been winning so much Ive just got so much on my shoulders this week and next with finals and what not i guess for this entry ill talk about what is positive in stead of what's bugging me
OK lets see ....1) i got my retainer to day its kind of fun ( even throw its been 4 hours and has already started to make my tong raw )its lime green and rather small ( you know with all the talking and bad mouthing i do i would have thought i had a bigger mouth but no i guess its kinda small )...2) i broke up with my boyfriend today and he took it well i and I'm glad were still friends...3) I'm going to study like mad this weekend to do well on my finals

♥ sealed with a kiss

god i suck

i promised my grandpa that i would get good grades and i haven't been doing a great job of that I'm blogging and I'm suppose to be doing history
and i half to break up with my boyfriend i should do it today but i don't think i can and a little part of doesn't want to my life rite now sucks

♥sealed with a kiss

invisable pain

OK so my parents have this rule where i cant learn to drive if i don't have a B average in all my academic classes and its so stupid i cant even begin to say how much Ive tyred to get a b in bio i mean I'm really good at science i like learning about weird stuff but i cant get even a c in bio right now i have a D and I'm not happy with it Ive come so close to crying at school because of it and god knows i NEVER cry in front of my friends or in public i just cant i don't want my friends to worry about me they have enough of there own problems not including me and not to mention i don't like showing to much weakness i front of them i need to be strong i owe it to them to show them that i can be a leader and protect them from as many emotional problems as i possibly can m also a very good pain stiffer I'm really good at not showing I'm in pain like if i have a open cut i can pretty much ignore it ( to a certain extent) my motto is that pain is just a message and you can ignore them its not that hard if you have a high pain tolerance but I'm off topic and it think you get it so back to my main point I'm 16 i wanna drive and i cant even get close i no that its for my own good and that its less expensive if i have a b average but i think its dumb and stupid at the same time dam i gotta go the bell rang ha ha kisses

♥ sealed with a kiss

later today for the 3rd time

OK so I'm online obviously but my parents have bocked like every dam cite there is no playlist no facebook no myspace no utube even my e=mail sites thank god they dint know about my blog i think i would freak if i couldn't get my thoughts out i mean it was killing me when i got home from school and had to wait till 6 to be able to get on ( o yeah that's something else the Internet doesn't work till 600pm they want to monitor what cites I'm on )...wow I'm surprised at how much I'm blogging usually i cant get this much typing done in a sitting let alone in one day Ive been on this blog 3 times today ...dam this stuff is addicting well at least its not a drug (lol)
OK so now into the juicy stuff ... i have a boyfriend shocker( no really it is I'm not the kinda girl every Guy wants to date ) but I'm still in love with my best friend (who moved ) he was so sweet to me he had a great personality was nice but not afraid to hurt my feelings b/c he knew that i would understand he also treated me like shit sometimes not like he was the superior being (that is so cliche)but like i was a friend who would leave on a moments notice (he had attachment issues like me)even throw he knew i would never do that. he never knew i liked him that way i was in love with him and that was 3 years ago and i still love him in no its UN healthy but i do ..but also my current boy friend is sweet to but he's clingy and not what u would say were in my normal standards ( I'm not a snob people i do looks but only after i like there personality first that's more important to me )but I'm now kinda starting to not like him as much as i use to and i don't want to hurt his feelings especially since he told me he loves me (gag help!!!) ...and I'm normally a happy person but I've been a little depressed lately and I'm tiered of the drama i just want to get a b average and learn to drive o well we cant have everything we want

♥ sealed with a kiss

perfect sister

OK so fore some reason I'm extremely irritable today ... ma by its like PMS but what ever its not like it matters nothing matters much to me any more but pleasing my parents all i want right now is to make them happy but what ever i do is wrong with out a doubt (i no that makes them sound like barbarians but there not )it seems like my sister is perfect 2 them she always tries hard she goes to a good school she has friends that call her shes pretty, she worships Jesus she sings in a choir that performs at Powell hall ( major stage kinda like the fox but fancier) she Perseus her dreams always says the right stuff to our grandparents and i loved by all instantly of corse why not she's PERFECT. JUST PEACHY she smokes like rarely but still does, she makes out like 24/7 with random guy's ( I'm surprised she's still a v*) but W/E i don't care that our grandparents come to her concerts and not mine , or that they finally came to see me play soccer but had to leave b/c Amanda broke her knee ( i no that wasn't her fault but it still annoys me that it happened ) i mean its the 2ND time she broke it u would think she would learn to were her brace BTW she is my sister and i love her i just wish i could get some praise every once and a while

♥ sealed with a kiss

hello

OK so this is my first blog . what r blogs are they just people winning about there lives or are they ways to let things out without people getting all up in your face kinda like a diary ? and what purpose do they serve is it like a personal therapy of some sort ? what ever i guess i don't care 2 much unless it gets taken the wrong way. but that brings another question can people read this? i mean i don't mind but i wanna know if i can like dis's people and not get in trouble about it who knows i could say something like (insert chosen name here ) is such a frigging cow she has so many problems like ( insert problem here ). but would that person see it ?

o well i guess ill find out soon enough. oh yeah and BTW i cant spell it sucks but ill try my best

♥ sealed with a kiss